In my last article, I wrote about the cooking issue that occurs in marriages and how some use it as an excuse to be unfaithful, citing the fact that while it is still mostly women who take on the role of cooking, it would not be a bad idea for men to be considerate in doing it at times.
I also wrote that it was wrong for men to task women in terms of when she should cook and what she should cook every day.
Such an act is tedious and unrealistic as it is unwise. There is nothing wrong for a man to warm soup to eat or is there? If he did, will the man die or be disgraced in his village? Perhaps, his ancestors will rise from their graves and remove him among his kinsmen.
Obviously, none of the above will happen, so it means that the men who make such demands need to be patient and understanding. One of the things I often tell people is that not only is the family setting and its internal dynamics changing as the years go by – which means the way things were done 20 or 50 years ago is not how they should be done now- the reality is that marriages differ. No two couples are the same, so when someone makes a blanket statement that women have to cook for certain times in a week and that failure to do so means they are failures, I find such position ridiculous.
I have always believed that in marriage even if a man and a wife still opt for the more traditional role where she does all the cooking, the man can also assist his wife. He can pick and wash beans or the vegetables that she wants to cook. He may clean the utensils she wants to use.
Besides, he can boil the water to be used or assist in other ways. Sadly, telling some men to help their wives these ways is akin to insulting them. They believe one is asking them to abandon their manhood and become women. Anyone who arrives at such a conclusion needs intense prayer, fasting and laying of hands.
Marriage; being what it is, requires time to communicate with verbal and non-verbal cues, touch, and also physical presence. A husband and wife being in the same kitchen doing the same thing affords them the opportunity to talk about their day, health, work, family, kids and perhaps, the way our sports ministry handled the country’s contingents at the just concluded Rio Olympics.
When this kind of bonding occurs; it builds intimacy and makes relationship sweeter and smoother. But trust a typical Nigerian men, such is a story. The next thing they will ask is, “Did I marry her to gossip with her? What is gist?’’
The average Nigerian man’s definition of intimacy might just be limited to; “Nkechi, the plates are dirty!” “Has junior had his bath?” “Where is the TV remote?” “This soup is too salty” If he is feeling very magnanimous, he may ask her; “Have you eaten?”
This kind of attitude does not really help relationships and sadly, after all the lack of intimacy and adequate communication, the woman will be expected to perform her matrimonial duties.
In fact, some men do not understand that once communication and intimacy are built over time, they translate into a healthy sex life instead of a dreary mundane one. The home also works better when lovers complement each other.
Source:PUNCH.
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